‘Love’ is more complicated than the word complicated itself. Why does it not work out with someone? Am I making any mistake? So many questions would hover in my mind whenever it didn’t work. This article is all about those mistakes that we make but we don’t really pay much attention to it. I was facing some serious dating issues so I thought of getting expert advice. As we all know that Google is our best friend and has the answers to all our questions, one day I started searching for the solution to the mistakes I made in dating.
Surprisingly, I didn’t get a single article about my dating issues.
When I actually started talking about it with people, I realized that there are so many like me who have gone through the exact trauma that I have gone through. But still, there was nothing about it anywhere. Can you guess why there wasn’t anything written on those issues? Because these are the mistakes that you don’t talk about.
It’s funny to know that we often overlook the common issues. We think that it’s not that important but
resolving these common issues can resolve the biggest problems.
I am no Love Guru to solve any relationship problems, but this article can surely help you give a new perspective to look at true love.
The actual dating problem starts when we deceive our minds in the name of love.
Let’s find out how.
1. The Idea of love
We love it when someone calls us or texts us and makes us feel special. Someone gives us attention and pampers us. We expect love to receive in the exact way that we want it to be.
You meet this perfect someone someday and you tick all the checkboxes you have in your checklist for a perfect match. You start seeing each other. You get importance and attention all the time. One day he or she gets an important assignment to work on and fails to give the attention and time for some time that he or she would give before. You get a reality check that your perfect soulmate is nothing but just another ordinary human being and you start cursing your decision.
One day when you are enjoying your coffee alone at a cafe, you see this new extraordinary human staring at you. You like the attention and exchange numbers. Chats turn into calls and calls turn into video calls. You leave your partner who is busy with assignments and rush into this new exciting relationship. A month later this new extraordinary human too fails to pamper the way he or she used to and you are in this miserable state again. Reason?
Loving the idea of love more than loving the person himself.
falling in love with just the idea of love is one of the most understated dating mistakes that you don't talk about.
How can guilt make it to the list of dating mistakes that you don’t talk about? Is it about sex? No, it’s not about sex. It happened when I was in my first year of college when I met this extremely talented and helpful cute girl. She was my classmate. We became very good friends and started enjoying each other’s company. Gradually we started spending more time with each other and would end up spending the whole day with each other in college.
Everything was good until one day. We were sitting in the park near our college and
she abruptly said, ‘I think I love you.’ To which my natural response was, ‘That’s why we are friends.’
The ugly turn
I didn't understand the underlined meaning of her statement. She tried again to make me understand that she really wanted me to date her. I rejected her because for me she was my friend, just a friend and I had no intention to get into a romantic relationship with her. The next day was a bit awkward and she said that she can’t really be with me just as a friend and it will be great if we stop being together all the time. I understood her problem and backed off. A week passed and I could see her changing from this lively helpful girl to a completely miserable one.
I felt bad about it because for me she was still my friend. Guilt was killing me inside. I thought maybe I should go ahead and consider dating her. She is helpful and I like her company. So, one day I asked her out and she was this happiest girl on the planet. There you go, she was back to her normal routine and she was very happy. I was happy too. But this happiness couldn’t last for more days. I decided to date her just to come out of that guilt of rejecting my friend.
I mistook my guilt as love.
Our relationship took an ugly turn. My unhappiness gradually changed into anger and frustration and there came a day when I told her that I couldn’t take it anymore. It was not easy for her but eventually, she moved on.
We all have heard the story of a guy or a girl who gets rejected and then tries hard to impress the one who rejects them. Sometimes they even end up being with each other. Well it sounds like a beautiful love story, love never dies type story, her ‘no’ is actually a yes type story, doesn’t it? The fact is, it’s not a love story at all. I am not talking about the efforts or the end result of the effort here. I am talking about the intention behind those efforts.
Sometimes, rejection motivates people to work hard for their goals. When someone rejects them, they can’t deal with it and end up being obsessive so-called lovers and put more efforts to impress the same person who rejects them. They get lucky if the other person rewards them for their efforts in the form of a relationship. Over a period of time, they lose the zeal of impressing the same person who had rejected them in the past but is now with them. Ego creates devils, Ego destroys relationships, but we overlook its impacts.
Involving Ego as a driving force for a relationship is one of the biggest dating mistakes that you don’t talk about.
Most of the time we label our ambition as true love. You meet this incredibly beautiful and cute girl in your office that everyone would die for. You like her too and this fondness transforms into love. So, you decide to give it a shot and she, too accepts your proposal for dating. Two-three weeks into this dating game and you realize that the spark goes missing. Why?
Because you derived your fondness based on the opinions of your colleague. Human ambition is way dangerous than it sounds. You never think about your ambition as one of the dating mistakes that you don’t talk about.
When ambition overpowers feelings, your partner becomes just a prized possession to boast about.
I know it’s sad but it’s the truth. Here, intention makes a big difference.
Intuition plays an important role in human relationships. Whether the person is good for us or bad for us, intuition knows it all. When you meet someone without judgments and you start looking at them beyond their appearance, that is when you allow your intuition to work for you. You actually start paying attention to the vibes.
But sometimes you overlook vibes and focus on their financial and social status. You avoid the power of your intuition to fulfill your materialistic goals and you make the biggest dating mistake that you don’t talk about. Yes, avoiding the signals of your intuition is the most common mistake that we all make not only in dating but also in our life in general.
You are important
I want to thank you for reading this article and loving Charwak.com so much. I am not saying that whatever I wrote in this article has to fit your life but it will be helpful in some ways if we find the real meaning of love which is unconditional, effortless, and beyond appearance and any status. I use Thebestuknow.com to enhance my English language skills. Do let me know your thoughts about the dating mistakes you don't talk about in the comment in the comment box.